Vito The Salesman – Creepypasta

Estimated reading time — 14 minutes

CRASH!

Thomas nearly jumped out of his skin at the waitress, suddenly dropping her tray of glassware a mere 5 feet from his booth. The sound of jingling glass shards and metallic forks bouncing around could be heard long after the accident initially occurred as they bounced around wildly. This stung Thomas’s ears like a swarm of gnats, forcing him to wince in displeasure. He looked up at her, very annoyed, and clutched at his chest instinctively. She chuckled it off with a playful hand gesture, uttering simply, “Sorry about that, dear!” before leaving to get a broom. “ Great. ” He scoffed to himself. The only reason Thomas bothered coming into the dreary cafe in the first place was to try to get some reading done while enjoying a never-ending stream of mediocre coffee. Now, it would take him time to get back into his novel. He tried in vain to re-engross himself in the story he had been enjoying only moments ago. However, the light reflecting off the shattered glassware to his right prevented him from doing so as it shined straight into his eyes. He let out a deep sigh and closed his book, placing it on the table. When he did so, he caught the eye of a strange-looking man staring back from the booth across from him.

This naturally caught him off guard. Thomas had deliberately chosen the booth in the far corner of the diner so that he would be alone. “Perhaps the man was waiting for someone?” he thought. He turned to look outside the window, expecting to see somebody approaching the restaurant to meet the strange man. When he did so, however, he saw nobody behind him. “OK,” Thomas thought. “So, he IS looking at me…” He turned back around, but to his surprise, the man was gone. He was no longer at the booth across from him. “Good Morning, sir!” The man now stood directly at the edge of the booth next to Thomas.

“ Jesus Christ!” He shouted, once again clutching his chest in reflex. “Oh! My apologies, sir! I didn’t mean to frighten you. I am but a simple traveling salesman! I was wondering if you might spare me a moment of your time?” “ Look, Buddy!” He retorted, sounding audibly pissed beyond belief. “I ain’t buying shit from you, alright? Just leave me be!” “Oh, but I must insist, sir! The offer I have prepared for you today is simply too good to pass up without at least hearing the offer! I would just feel terrible if you weren’t at least made privy to my product before you politely told me to fuck off!”

Thomas looked up at the man, perplexed by that last line. He spoke like someone from a used car commercial, undeniably disingenuous in his projected positivity. That last line had an air of condescension in it. Yet he smiled the entire time he did so. The man projected power through his candor and mannerisms, as though he had performed this speech a thousand times and Thomas was just like any other client for him. It was as though he were child’s play, and the man knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted.

“I’ll make you a deal, sir! If I haven’t caught your attention by the time our lovely waitress returns and cleans up this mess, you won’t even have to tell me to leave! I’ll depart of my own accord.”

Now calmed down, Thomas finally had a chance to look the man over. He wore a pitch-black fedora with a stripe of purple encircling the base—subsequently, a near-black business suit with a purple tie. He had visible wrinkles along his cheeks and under his eyes, which were the only identifiable sign of the salesman’s age. Thomas estimated this to be in his mid-40s. His Shoes were shined to near perfection and contrasted drastically with the shards of glass beneath them. In his right hand, he held a briefcase. The briefcase bore an odd-looking golden Sphinx-like symbol at its center and was chained to the man’s wrist.

“What an odd loo-” “I can see you thinking it over, sir!” he said, interrupting Thomas’ thoughts. That shows me you’re intrigued, and that’s all I need!” he said, sitting across from him.

Thomas went to raise a finger and protest, but it was too late. The man sat comfortably on the bench, his fingers interlocked and resting atop the table. He stared at Thomas with hungry eyes and an equally hungry smile. Thomas felt like a seal being stared down by a great white shark—like he didn’t have a choice in the matter, even though he clearly did. He felt paralyzed in his seat, powerless to fight back against the man’s charms and vernacular.

“Now then!” he began. We’ve got approximately 52 seconds before Dana arrives to pick up this mess of hers. So allow me to cut straight to the point so I can get your attention before that happens. I’m a salesman, as I said before, and I am sure you could figure that out from a mile away. What I guarantee you have not been able to deduce, however, is the unique catalog of services I provide to my clients.

Thomas eyed the man suspiciously. “Um … look man, I don’t swing that way if that’s what your-” “Oh! Goodness, no sir!” The man said, throwing up a hand and chuckling loudly. “ I assure you, this is not that kind of proposal. Unless you want it to be.” He said that last part in a sarcastic tone, leaning in and giving a wink. Thomas stared back unamused. “Kidding! I’m kidding! Geez, I’m still working on my standup routine, but I didn’t think I was THAT dead in the water. Well, as I was saying. I offer a very unique number of services for my clients. The one I have prepared for you today Is tailor-made for your predicament! How long did the doctor give you, Thomas? 6 months at most, right? It’s been 2 since the diagnosis, so things aren’t looking so hot, are they?

Thomas felt his stomach jump up in his throat, and a deep chill ran down his spine. Before he had time to process either of these feelings, the waitress returned with a broom and dustpan.

He watched her walk up to his left side and begin to clean out of the corner of his eye, but he never directly looked at her. He never took his gaze off the mysterious man. He just sat there staring at him as he tried desperately to figure out how he could’ve possibly known that about him. Thomas had no family. He had confided the details of his condition to nobody other than the doctor and a single priest. So how could this man possibly know that about him? “ Has this guy been following me? What else does he know about me? Could I -”

“Thomas!” The man shouted, interrupting his thoughts “Huh?” he replied “The lovely waitress here asked you a question, Thomas. It’s not polite to ignore somebody when they speak to you, let alone not even look at them!” He turned his gaze to the waitress. “I’m uh … I’m sorry. What was the question?” “I just wanted to apologize again for frightening you earlier, and I was just wondering if you needed a refill on your coffee sir.” He looked back at the man who now had his elbows on the table and was resting his chin on his interlocked hands. “Well, Thomas? A fresh cup of coffee sounds good right now, doesn’t it?” Turning back at the woman, he muttered softly, “No, thank you.” She nodded and walked off with the shards of glass in her bag, leaving the two of them alone.

“Nnnow I have your attention. Don’t I? He said, curling his lips into a mischievous smirk. “Who the fuck are you?” Thomas retorted. “I already told you, sir. I am but a simple traveling salesman. I live for the thrill of the sale! I make my living wandering from place to place and providing my services to those in need I encounter all over the world! And you, my friend, are in dire need of my services. I assume you’d be more comfortable talking to me if you got my name, though, so you can just call me Vito.” “Ok … Vito. How do you know about my situation?” “Oh! I know much more than just your situation, Thomas.”

The mention of his name once again sent chills down his spine. He had never told the man his name. Nor did the waitress call him by it earlier. ‘“Obviously, I know your name. I know about your condition. What did the doctor tell you exactly? That only 3 out of 100,000 Cancer patients get heart tumors a year? Lucky you, am I right?” Thomas stared blankly back at him. “More So than that, I know your…” He paused momentarily as he playfully stroked his chin, making it seem like he was struggling to find his next words. “Blood type, last name, mother’s name, favorite movie, job you had when you were 23 years old, AND I know the name of the hooker you were with 3 weeks ago.

“O – Oh yeah? Tell me then?” he retorted, crossing his arms and feigning an aura of confidence. The man cracked his knuckles before speaking back up. “B negative, Tailor, Veronica, Robocop, which personally, I think is a badass choice. You were a cashier at the supermarket for WAY too long since the boss didn’t need any additional managers, and her name was Lilly. I also know about all the sick and depraved things you did to that poor woman, Thomas. I can’t say I blame you, though! If I knew I was kicking the bucket, I would wanna do as much as possible myself. Personally, I’ve always wanted to get someone to-”

“Alright, alright! I get it. You know a lot about me. So what? Is this some kind of scam? Are you trying to blackmail me?”

“BLACKMAIL?!” Vito sounded audibly offended at that notion. Jesus Thomas! Who do you take me for? This is no blackmail, and I assure you it is in no way a scam! I simply want to sell you something.”

“Uhuh, yeah, right.” He said, sipping his coffee. “You JUST want to sell me something, and that’s why you’ve been spying on me for god knows how long.” “I have not been spying on you, Thomas. I simply know these things. It’s … one of my many talents. One of the perks of being me and doing what I do, you could say.” “Selling stuff lets you know everything about a person, huh? Nah, something is not right here. Just what kinda salesman are you exactly?”

With a slight curl of his lip, He slowly placed the briefcase that had been sitting on the bench onto the table and turned it around so the opening faced Thomas. “One of a kind.”

Before Thomas could respond, Vito rotated the dials on the case lock to read “805” and unlatched it, exposing its contents to him. What lay before Thomas in the case was something he could have never predicted. Never in a million years would he have guessed the cargo this man had been carrying with him all this time. Nor would he have guessed such an item was attainable, let alone comprehendible to exist. When the salesman opened the case Thomas found inside of it, Everything.

Galaxies of varying sizes and brightness spun beautifully within its padded interior. Creatures whose origins were known to no man seemed trapped within it and beckoned upward towards Thomas as they stretched their arms as if asking for help or freedom. Mysterious doorways that hovered all around led to a potential litany of dimensions and worlds. Secrets that philosophers had spent millennia pondering, to no avail, at last, had answers. The meaning of life, The truth of the afterlife, Are we alone in the universe, The winning lottery for next month’s Powerball, Who was gonna win this year’s Super Bowl, What happened to Amelia Earhart? They all lay within this briefcase of eternity. Thomas was made known to him secrets that he never knew he wanted the answers to in the first place. He saw his entire life laid out before him in the small rectangle—the Past, present, and future. Thomas saw the remaining time he had left to live. They were going to be miserable and filled with fear. He was going to die sometime in his sleep in precisely 2 months and 13 days from now. Nobody would be at his funeral. Nobody would remember him. Save for the waitress, who would have gotten used to his daily visits to the cafe by that point. She wouldn’t remember him fondly, however. She would remember him as “some cranky old bastard.” That would be his legacy. The only lasting trace of his existence. The only Mark he would ever make on the world.

Thomas felt his sanity slipping. His lip quivered uncontrollably as a dart of sweat shot down the side of his face and crashed onto the tabletop beneath. “ What…. What is this?” he finally managed to whimper out.

The salesman’s lips curled up even more into a serpentine-like smile. He knew that now, he had Thomas hooked. “This, my friend, is everything. Everything that was, is, and will be.” with those last words, he slowly rotated the briefcase so it was now facing away from Thomas. “The crazy thing is, THIS isn’t even the most fun toy I own! I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s freaking cool. But I have way more interesting stuff back at my place! Ah ah! Don’t get your hopes up, though, my friend. This isn’t what I came here to sell to you today. This was just to get your attention.” Thomas said nothing. He simply stared down at the briefcase as he tried desperately to comprehend what he had just been shown.

“Helloooo?!” Vito said, snapping his fingers in Thomas’s face. “ Aw, dammit! Don’t tell me I fried another saps brain!” “I’m here.” Thomas choked out. “ I’m … I’m here.” “If you say so!” he said back, chuckling. That has yet to be proven, but I digress. As you can see, I have access to just … a little more than your typical salesman. I offer a wide range of products and unique services to select people. On top of that, I am very picky about who I provide my services to. I wasn’t just joking in bad taste earlier when I called you lucky Thomas. Running into me is going to save your life.”

Thomas looked up at the salesman with eyes wide. “You mean you can … Can you cure me?”

“Of course I can! Jesus, did you not just see what I have at my disposal? The cool-ass universe in a box I carry around? Curing you would be all too simple for someone like me. But where’s the fun and excitement in that? Why stop at just curing you? I was thinking of a more unique product, something a little more … lasting?” Thomas sat back and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“As you and I both saw in the case, your life has been… well, I hate to say it, but it’s been pretty damn pathetic, buddy. Sure, I could fix you up and send you on your merry way back to your life of mediocrity, but that would just be a disservice to you. Frankly, it would also be a waste of my talents. The best of your years are already behind you, and at most, you’ll live what? Till your 60? Great! The all-knowing mystical salesman cured my cancer and bought me an extra 10 years to live! Boring! No! Thomas, What I want to offer YOU, is a second chance at life! The chance to make something useful of yourself! What I have for sale today, the product I want to offer you is!” He leaned inward, ensuring nobody could hear him, and whispered: “Immortality.”

They sat there silently for a few moments, after that, analyzing each other. Thomas, searching for signs of danger, and Vito, searching for signs of weakness. Like a mental chess game, they appeared to be thinking through all the intricacies of the proposition offered. An average man would have laughed off the notion as a joke. At that moment, However, Thomas was not just an average man. The contents of that case had shattered his worldview and proven to him that this salesman truly did possess powers far beyond his comprehension. If this was a scam, it was the most intricate and multi-webbed scam ever conceived. Why him? Thomas wondered to himself. “Why does this man want to make a deal with me of all people? What does he want from me?”

“I can see you thinking it through.” Vito said, interrupting his thoughts once again. “You’re thinking through the intricacies of why you? Right?”

“How did you kn-”

“Hello? All-knowing mysterious salesman here! Have we met before?” he interrupted, joking to himself. Plus, I’ve had this conversation a thousand times with a thousand different clients from all over Earth and across the cosmos. This is ALWAYS the part of the transaction where the questions arise. So, allow me to put your mind at ease. Why would I bestow this unique gift on someone as insignificant as you? Well, it’s as simple as this. We just so happened to be in the same room today. Lucky for you, the stipulations of selling to you would benefit me in particular. This leads me to the other caveat you’re pondering. Payment, Right? Don’t worry! I see you racking your brain, trying to think of what someone like me could possibly ask of you. Well, I’m not gonna ask you for anything THAT crazy, just a tiny thing that will soon become irrelevant to your newfound eternity. All I want in exchange for You becoming immortal … is your car.” Thomas tilted his head and let out an audible “Huh?” “That’s right! I like your car, Thomas! Mine just so happened to kick the bucket a few miles south of here, so I’m currently in the market for a new one.” he leaned backward, gesturing towards the dirt road as he spoke that last line. “Why not just pull a new car out of that damn briefcase of yours?” “I mean, I could. But I like YOUR car, Thomas,” he said, turning back and pointing a finger at him. Plus, I never make a sale for free. I don’t do charity and never will. Gotta give something to get something, you know? It’s a matter of principle for me. So, what do you say? Are you ready to finally make something of yourself? Are you ready to accept my offer today and become Immortal? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, you are! A smart guy like you wouldn’t turn down an offer like this, now would you?” Thomas sat there in silence for a moment, pondering it. His thoughts began to run wild as he conversed with himself, trying to reach a decision. “He just wants my car? This is all so strange. Everything seems like a big game to this guy. But then again, when you’re hauling around the universe in a box, I guess everything would seem like a big game to you. Maybe he really does, just like the look of my car. Maybe he really wants to help me, but he can’t do it unless an exchange of some kind is made. Or, As I thought earlier, He’s bored with his infinite power and is just fucking with me to pass the time. Either way … I saw what my life turns into without this mans help. I’m going to die in 2 months. There’s nothing I or the doctor can do about that.” With that final thought, he felt a sense of dread wash over him. He tightened his hands into a fist and dug at his palms till the knuckles turned white. He then let out a deep sigh and spoke.

“I accept.” With these words, the salesman smiled his broadest smile yet. Seemingly truly shark-like at this point. “How do we make the sale? Is there a contract or something?”

“No contract is needed, Thomas. I believe in a good old-fashioned handshake. My word is my bond, and I trust yours will be too! Plus, nobody likes paperwork, am I right? Simply place your keys on the table next to the case and shake my hand. At which point, I will bestow upon you the gift of immortality.”

With that, the man extended his right hand out. Sliding the book, he had been there to read in the first place to the side. Thomas stared at him for a few tense seconds as he felt his heart begin to pound in his chest. His chest hurt a little. This only heightened his dread and tightened his resolve to live even further. Before he could change his mind, Thomas did as instructed and slowly placed his car keys next to the briefcase in the middle of the table. He eyed Vito’s hand cautiously for only a few seconds before reaching out and shaking Vito’s hand.

In an instant, All that Thomas could see was darkness. His vision, which was once illuminated by the bright lights of a happy breakfast diner and a strange man, was in one instant taken from him by force. He was now completely surrounded by a sea of black that seemed to smother him from not just all angles outward but inward, as though his spirit were being consumed by it. He could feel nothing, hear nothing, and see nothing. He looked around, trying to identify his surroundings, but found nothing but black wherever he looked. There was no bottom. No left, no right. It was just an empty black void. He thought he could make out the twinkling of stars far off in the distance, but they were faint and barely visible. Then he looked up. When he did so, he felt a cold chill run down his spine, the first real sensation he had experienced since arriving at this strange realm. When he did, he saw a square-shaped light far up above him, like a moon. He reached for it, but it was to no avail. He tried again to touch it, but the warm, inviting light was simply too far away. That’s when he noticed that the light was beginning to disappear.

From the top, a shadow began to stretch over it in a straight line and slowly cover up the light. At first, Thomas felt nothing in his newfound void. He wasn’t even sure if he could feel his own skin. But suddenly, he felt a push. Then another. Then a scrape. Then, a hand grabbed him. Then, a hand pushed down atop his head. Thomas began to feel other beings, entities, and people around him rushing and bumping as they, too, attempted to reach for the light as he was. Now frightened beyond all belief and desperate to escape the mysterious strangers, Thomas tried desperately to get a foothold on anything. He kicked around, feeling for anything he could push off of to gain height and escape to the square above, but he found nothing. He reached with all his might as he joined the litany of others, all trying to reach the freedom that lay just above their heads. It was no use. He could only reach and watch as the light closed like a door. He watched it slip away until he was slowly engulfed in total darkness with the rest of his new friends.

Vito finished latching up his briefcase and straightened his tie. The wrinkles that once lay under his eyes began to straighten and tighten themselves out. He now looked a few years younger than he had mere moments ago. He let out a deep sigh and spoke in his usual polite and charming demeanor.

“It was an honor doing business with you, sir!” he said to the husk of a motionless man who was now drooping over the cafe table.” I have fulfilled our end of the sale and will be taking my leave. I can assure you I will be thoroughly enjoying your car!” He placed a 20-dollar bill on the table as a tip for the waitress and stood up. He straightened his hat before dusting himself off and smirking at the lifeless body before him. “I hope you enjoy your new immortal soul! And the eternity you now get to spend with it.”

With that, he exited the Cafe, twirling his newfound keys with one finger and whistling aloud. Then he started up the car and drove off north, down the dusty road.

Credit: Aaron Breiterman

Reddit